And in a flash he was over the top. For the first time in his life, he was suspended in mid-air 20 storeys above the nearest road, albeit only for the moment it took gravity to register the presence of a body which required its attention. It soon set to work on him with ruthless efficiency. What flashed before his eyes during the descent were not the adjacent glass windows or his out-of-context, thoughtful expression reflected in them. It was her face, which he pictured with an impossible vividness. Past seems clearer when you realize you have no future.
He remembered the number of seconds she had waited before smiling when he had popped the question, the only instance in his life before now when his heart had stopped beating. He remembered the exact angle at which she had looked away when she said 'yes'. He remembered how soft her hands had felt when he first touched her, and how she had halfheartedly tried to withdraw it before succumbing to the touch of his lips. He remembered the name of the paan ki dukaan which had sheltered them when it had rained unexpectedly on their first date; the number of times she had blinked looking into each other's eyes during their first candlelight dinner. He remembered how she had smiled as she handed him her wedding card. He remembered how , this time, she had looked straight into his eyes, daring them to betray his disappointment. But he had managed to stayed calm. At least till she had left. He cried only a little for boys don't cry. Unlike girls, their hearts are not supposed to break. Only a wimp of a guy may possess a brittle heart. And he was not a wimp. A fool maybe, but certainly not a wimp. And then, he remembered some more.
He remembered someone who were so devoted to him, that he had long begun to take them for granted and had, therefore, forgotten to consider them till that point. He remembered his parents. He remembered his mother who had dutifully got up at 5 in the morning, everyday, for the 25 odd years he had known her, just so that he wouldn't have to sacrifice his sleep to keep up with life. He remembered how, as a kid, his dad would unfailingly tell him bed-time stories every night and now, how he, as a 25 year old, would feel too tired to even eat after a tiring day at the office. He remembered the smiles on their faces on his first day to school; smiles of unadulterated love, his most priced treasures at one time, its true worth lost to him over the years by his own selfishness. He remembered them cry when he had been hospitalized. And he realized suddenly that men, too, cry sometimes. He tried to imagine their grief when he would be no more;and failed.
Suddenly, he wanted to live;he wanted to live for his parents. Suddenly, he was afraid. He cried out loud for dear life, without realizing that gravity is deaf and death, unforgiving. He looked down and saw the ground coming to greet him with all the patience of a raging bull. He realized, now, that he would be dead even before he could think of anything else and, therefore, this would be his last thought. He closed his eyes in submission. And then, he opened it before he could hit the ground. The sun was well above and making its presence felt through the half-open curtains. The tears from his face were falling onto his arms and becoming indistinguishable from his sweat. He had turned back from the edge of the roof the previous day due to lack of courage for the cowardly act, but not without a resolve to try again. Now he knew he wouldn't be going back. Ever.
Life always gives us second chances for it realizes and acknowledges the fact that no one is perfect. All that remains to be done, is to wake up before hitting the ground.
